Rammed by the Raptor by: Adriana Lovely
April’s Note: This review may contain explicit adult themes and probably should be rated A for awesome.
Review by The Steadfast Reader’s Official Dinosaur Erotica Correspondent: AnnaSaurus Rex
Warning: This review contains descriptions of a story that contains graphic sex scenes between a horny librarian and a gigantic dinosaur.
Disclaimer: I have never written a serious book review. But if there was ever a piece of literature to encourage me to make the leap, it is Rammed by the Raptor.
Second disclaimer: I read this through once and in tribute to the amount of effort that surely went into writing it, I am not re-reading it or referencing during this review. It’s called having style.
Rammed by the Raptor is a sexy, sensitive re-telling of the boy-meets-girl narrative. This charming novelette opened my eyes to an entire sub-genre of erotica I never even imagined existed, and now I can never go back to that time before I knew about it. I have to say, it was as gripping as a raptor’s bite and a sexy as that curvy big claw they have on each foot.
Let’s dig our claws in, shall we? I know we’re all busy folks and may not necessarily have a free ten minutes in our day to read dinosaur erotica. (Pro Tip: MAKE THE TIME)
These nine pages take you on a journey that’s a tale as old as time – Young, bored hottie of a librarian spots her new ab-tacular neighbor moving in and flirtations arise.
He does SCIENCE and through a Spider-Man like DNA accident, now occasionally morphs into a raptor. Natch. Our beloved author doesn’t explain what triggers these transformations, or I may have just blown past that detail in my hurry to get to the sexy scene we all know was my only reason for reading. Most likely the author omitted this detail because, c’mon. She knows what we’re all here for. Give the people what they want, amiright? No judgment. Safe space. Et cetera.
Right. So. One evening, our sensual, unsatisfied librarian (yes, she actually is a librarian) stuffs her ladies into her sexiest red dress and heads over to the neighbor’s house. I forget the pretense she uses. Do you care? Didn’t think so.
Our lead man (whose name I forget – it’s something wonderfully generic like Tom or Bill, but I will now call him Abs McLarge) is prowling around in the backyard. The moon shines down and faster than you can say Jurassic Period, Abs turns into a raptor! Instead of any normal human reaction, Horny Librarian is all kinds of turned on. Abs morphs back, looks deep into her eyes, and confesses everything. Luckily, Horny Librarian is into it, in fact is very into it, and we are treated to the reason we purchased this short story in the first place – bangin’! I could practically hear the romantic string orchestra swelling in the background.
Mr. McLarge and Horny go through your greatest hits of sexual positions including oral sex for both and mutual orgasm. Between synonyms for “wet” and “pulsating member” there’s some eye gazing and animalistic grunting. Sorry readers, I’m not going to go through the scene thrust-by-thrust. I don’t want Adriana to sue me for effectively publishing half her book.
One juicy detail worth sharing is that mid-penetration, Abs McLarge morphs or semi-morphs into the raptor. Horny is nonchalant about her safety but incredibly turned on. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Claws digging into soft flesh and all that.
After it’s all over, Abs and Horny exchange the metaphorical promise ring, making it a true pulp fantasy. Really it’s just basic math: Hot librarian + hot science neighbor = hot sex and eternal love. Also, he’s a raptor. It’s like a fairytale!
There is only one appearance by the fully realized raptor: in the backyard before The Business. This, to me, was a disappointment. I mean, sure, Abs grew claws during sex, and I’m pretty sure there were some changes to the consistency of his skin, but when I see the title Rammed by the Raptor, I have expectations. What can I say? I’m a traditional lady.
Overall, I give this story four out of five blonde-girl-from-Jurassic-Park-when-she-sees-the-T-Rex screams.
You should give this review at least that, because I’m going to guess this review is longer than the actual story. As we learned from our leading lady, it’s all about quantity not quality. Know what I’m sayin’?
Well, Readers. Could dinosaur erotica be your bag? Whatcha thinkin’?
Another big thank you to our official dinosaur erotica correspondent, AnnaSaurus Rex. You can follow her on Twitter @anna_saurus_rex where she live tweets from hospital waiting rooms, random music festivals, and during loads of bad nineties television.